Confinement...what a long confinement

I would self declare myself as being in a confinement forever!.. well, at least for the past 2 months... and still...
why i said that?... Cause i felt that am being locked in a dungeon with no entertainments, no other food but home cooked food everyday... simply nothing.. but one big task was given to me.. yes, taking care baby...

I should be glad, appreciative, happy and sense of fulfillment... that now i have a son of my own and for me to take care and cherish with.. there are so many things to do for him.. but yet, am not happy. Why?

Am I at the stake of a depression? post natal depression? So many questions popped up to my head and my head and shoulder getting heavier and heavier.. and it just going to burst in anytime.

This whole new things of taking care a baby is so stressful, tiring, hand tied and patience. I never thought it was this hard... i rather taking care of a dog (yes, tell me how bad am i to think of that). But it was so stressful being on your own.. and hubby n mum not helping much when certain things u need to do things on your own..like feeding, pat him to sleep, etc, even yes, they do help me a lot especially my mum.. imagine, she lost 3-4 kilos for just 1 months... so, now i realised is not easy to be a MOTHER..

To simplify, I am the type of gal that like adventures, being care free, be able to go out meet friends, have a glass of beer or jd on the rock.. i just love being outside and not being stranded inside a four walls bricks.. is just makes me nuts! Ah!... how am i going to get thru this?.. when my baby is going to grow up and be able to take care of himself?.. well, at least i can whole heartedly let my in law or my parents to take care of him when am away.. but right now, i can't, he is so tiny, so delicate, i can't let it go, i can't let someone taking care of him without me feel comfortable with and assure that he is alright with the hand of someone else..

I think i will be in the confinement state for a long time....

Quotes from daisaku ikeda...

If you want to build a happy life, you have to give careful thought to the foundations. Happiness certainly cannot be secured on appearances or affectation. Happiness comes down to the inner state of our life at a given moment.